1st period… The most boring class of the day starts at 7:30 AM and seems to take eons to finish. I did not expect much from my psychology class that morning, but that was before my world got flipped upside down. It started out as normal as ever except the girl in front of me was wearing nothing but a bra and panties. weird, yes, but i did not think much of it at the time. She is not one who I am particularly interested in.
I tried doing some vocabulary while bra and panty girl stared at me with keen interest when a very small freshman boy walked in the class with a note. It was a pink slip meaning a student was either in serious trouble or he had an excuse to leave school. The tiny kid headed straight for me and dropped the note on my desk then quickly fled the classroom with a nervous look on his face. Acording to the note, I was to report to the office immediately. it took only a moment or two to gather my things and exit the room. Bra-and-panty girl’s gaze was starting to bug me, so I was grateful for the chance to leave. If only I had known what heart-breaking knowledge awaited me at the office, I surely would not have been in such a hurry to leave.
As I was making my way across the commons to the office, i noticed all my friends grouped together at a lunch table. instead of greeting me with friendly gestures, they just stared at me glumly and shook their heads as if I were a death row inmate making my last march down the cell block to my execution. They must have known something I did not.
I finally reached the office and saw my father waiting for me there with a solemn expression marking his weathered face. “son,” he said, “We need to talk.”
“alright,” I said, now getting worried.
He took me off to the side and spoke to me. “I have been keeping this knowledge from you long enough,” he said, “It is time you heard it.”
“What’s the problem?” I asked
“I’ll get straight to the point. You are a schizophrenic.” He said with a coldness that chilled my heart.
“No way, that is just impossible,” I said with defiance, “I think I would know something like that!”
“No you do not,” he said, “You hallucinate and commit very violent acts and say demonic things. When you wake from these hallucinations you seem not to know it happened, but I assure you, this is all very true.”
It felt as if an arrow of sorrow just pierced my heart. tears were streaming down my cheeks. I could not believe the things I was hearing. All at once my father started to fade away. Existence Started evaporating.
Swirling masses of purple nebula clouded my vision as I reached desperately through the gloom. There are people screaming and classical music playing in the background. At once the nebula began to recede and my vision cleared, and my cold and dark basement came into focus. Never have I woken up to such terror and confusion in my whole life. I looked over and see Bryan sleeping soundly on the couch next to mine. The classical music CD that we put in to sooth us was still playing on his computer. I also noticed the television was on and people were indeed screaming on some spaghetti western film that was on. I was still in a state of shock at having been woken up in such a fashion.
At once I recieved this overwhelming sense of time slipping away. I felt i was late for work even though it was still dark outside and I did not go in until 10 AM. But tinking irrationally, I jumped out of bed and turned off the TV. I then shut off Bryan’s computer and ran upstairs. I saw my father typing away on his laptop. I glanced over at the clock on the wall and saw that it was only 5:30 in the morning. I still could not remember what time I was supposed to be up by so I was not immediately relieved. Dad asked me what was going on, but I really did not know. I just mumbled something and went downstairs and tried to get back to sleep. After 30 minutes of trying to calm myself down, I was finally able to slip off into the world of the abyss.
I woke up periodically every 30 minutes after that. each time was because of a new nightmare I had. It was a very rough night indeed. Why did this happen? I have many guesses.
It is possible that my body is sensitive to the change of season. That night the temperature decreased dramatically and the weather was much different. Fall is almost here, and it may be no coincidence that I seem to always have these kind of fitful nights when the atmosphere changes.
My second guess is that mom switched my cold tablets with LSD pills to induce a night of many hallucinations as a comical joke. i knew my mom had a sense of humor!
but since my mom really loves me and is pretty awesome, I do not believe she would do such a thing. Perhaps my strange behavior was just due to the fact I was recovering from an intense cold. I really do not believe any of these theories, the truth most likely has to do with the kind of person I am.
Since I have trouble communicating my emotions when I am around people, they tend to culminate in my dreams. I have frequent terrible nightmares every week. In one sense it is kind of fun because i never know what I will dream up next. In another sense it is cary because I do not know if I will wake up in the middle of the night in a state of panic and confusion. It would be nice to have more decent sleeps at night, any bump in the nigh could wake me up because I am a light sleeper.
It just goes to show that when you hold back emotion and let it settle, terrible things happen. it is good and rightious to be able to vent your anger and frustration or sadness in a constructive way. It is ultimately self-destructive bottling up these kinds of feelings. It reminds me of what Jon wrote about in his blog about his insomnia. Maybe this is why you have trouble getting to sleep Jon! Just vent out some of your bottles-up emotion! Just writing this makes me feel much better. Maybe tonight I will dream of being in heaven with Christ, or even better, an all-night make-out session with Pamela Anderson!