A Hardened Heart

Well, I have a hardened heart… I find myself confused and losing sight of what grace and gratitude are. I gotta grow up, but I can’t figure out how. I can’t seem to rely on the lord, and it makes me feel ultra shitty. I keep running away like a little kid to my own vices, instead of standing up and carrying my load. I need help, but I find myself not seeking it. WoW how lame of a blog eh? I guess I just wanted to get something out, at least start from some point of opening up about my feelings and depravity. Because at this point I feel like I’ve lost it. I don’t want to kill myself but I find myself stressed out about nothing and getting all bent outta shape about things that the Lord could easily help me out and relieve me of. I keep turning to my own strength, and i continue to fail. I’m failing at school, failing my relationships, and most of all failing to put my trust in the Lord. I really don’t want to publish this but if I don’t say anything then I can’t say I’m making any effort to repent… So I guess I’ll just start out with this, I am royally fucked up at this point, afraid to rely on the lord, afraid to step up and be a man, and not succeeding in my studies…

I’m sorry for the unlifting blog, guys. But please help me, I need help with school, what should I try to do for ministry? How do I turn to gratitude and humbly seek the Lord? How do I get my fucking shit together and make a plan?

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