Where is the Love?

“Where Is the Love?” cover

Well it’s like 2:30 AM and i am up late, listening to some soothing tunes. I haven’t gotten out a real personal blog in a while. However, I don’t think this one will be too sweet like my old ones either. Well anyways, I think I want to open up a little…

This past year and almost a half, I have been in rebellion against God. Actually, I’ve been in rebellion for much longer than that, but I think I really started to rebel after I broke up with my past girlfriend. (Not her fault, in fact I think the Lord used it as an opportunity to open up how I really felt about doing things God’s way.) I came to a point in my life where I wanted to stop leading others spiritually. All through high school, I strived to become a leader. Someone who the Lord used greatly in others’ lives. That was my dream, to be like the Apostle Paul or Abraham or Keith. They are such powerful dudes and have brought much glory to God. They were (and are) living the way God had designed all his beloved creation to live, as significant, powerful, love-driven, revolutionaries! Changing the face of the Kosmos in a significant way! Fighting the good fight in victory!

Why then did I turn my back on them? Pride. I began to see a spiralling issue in my life. The fact that I always run from the Lord and the Body of Christ, and I indulge my sinful desires of instant-gratification. I love to hide my issues from others. It makes me feel that I have control over my life. I desire control, that’s it. I never want to surrender to the Lord when it comes to my problems. My entire life I have hid from the Lord by indulging my own methods of self-gratification. I don’t want to hold my thoughts captive to the Lord. I want to hold let my th0ughts ‘roam free’.’ but the truth is. they aren’t  free. My whole life I’ve always have an absence of Joy, or very minimal experiences of Joy throughout my life. I want to experience the Joy of being under grace, through suffering, and through significance. I guess I just wish I wasn’t so infantile and immature… It stinks

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