A Grieving Heart

I just attended a central teaching on David’s victories. It was a great teaching. The main point that I walked away with was that David followed God’s heart and had many victories, but only when David trusted and followed God.

After the teaching I went out to a game night with some women. I found myself feeling depressed. The next morning I was still depressed and very emotional, which I hate feeling that way. My husband, Rich, and I decided to open our bibles and go over the teaching that we just heard the night before. I was talking about how a friend of mine was telling me that some women that we both know are more often than not, talking about the materialistic things they have and how they aren’t aware of how materialistic they really are. I remember saying to Rich “I’m glad I’m not materialistic.”

I also remember thinking for a few moments and I think that I was slapped upside my head from the Holy Spirit as a thought came to my mind..”YES YOU ARE!!” I might not have the nice cars or house or jewelery or clothes or purses that they have but I do day dream about having money and buying some of these nice things or buying nice things for my family and friends or saying “if I could win the lotto” I think of all the money I could give to God. So I actually realized at that point I am more materialistic than these friends that actually have these things because I day dream too often about them. I had realized at that point that that is why I am depressed, that is why my heart is grieving.

In the teaching, 2 Sam 2:9 was brought up where David was looking to see if anyone in Saul’s family was still alive so he can show God’s kindness. This amazed me that David would want to show kindness to anyone in Saul’s family since this man tried to kill David for 15 years. Could I show this kind of kindness to someone who tried doing this to me or my family? Well, David did and he found one living relative of Saul’s who lived in the hood. This man said this to David, “What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?” Keith, the teacher at the central teaching, mentioned how this man was aware of his unworthiness and how most Americans don’t get this and I am one of those Americans.

I have secretly thought to myself that since I have had such a bad life I DESERVE good things now and I couldn’t understand why I didn’t get the comfort things of life that I thought that I deserved because I feel like I have done my suffering, again I found myself thinking, WOW where is my heart? I am so self focused it is no wonder I am so depressed. So this question was asked at the teaching, “How do I show the love of God to people?” I thought to myself that I love and serve people. It is something that I do, do but now I am realizing that if I am thinking of myself and what I deserve how can I really be showing anyone the love of God?

David had a Godly vision and a Godly passion, desiring what God desires and that is how he possessed the victories of God, because he wanted what God wants. Even thought God promised David that he would be king, David didn’t get it right away, God had him wait for abut 15 years, nudging him gently and slowly towards the beauty of God’s will. If I want to not have a grieving heart, I need to want to have a heart like David’s. In 1 Sam 13:14b it says “the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart”, WOW, to think that God thinks that any man on this earth has a heart like His is amazing, but David did and that’s what God thought of David and the only way for my heart not to grieve is to have that same kind of heart.

Does that mean that I have to live a perfect life? No, David surely didn’t and that gives me hope. I know God doesn’t expect me to be perfect, that ‘s why God created GRACE. Like Keith said “it’s not his only character trait, but it’s one of the most important ones!”

So if you find yourself depressed, really think about why and try not to blame it on the weather or your circumstances. Read Psalms 91, it will give comfort to your heart that God is with you. I know it is one of many that gives me comfort. In Ezekiel 36:26 God says “I will give you a new heart.” I have this heart inside me, this new heart but I have to choose to use it. All I can say right now is “Thank you God for all that you have given me, especially for this new heart.”

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