More than I could ever hope.

There’s a song I listen to over and over again, singing it loud, because it’s fun. But when I get to the line “If that’s love, it comes at much too high a cost,” the mood changes. If you know the story of Wicked, then I’m pretty sure any normal person would sympathize with Elphaba and comfort her. By the end of that story, who wouldn’t say to her “Yeah, your life is fucked. You can just take it easy now.” If I were her, I don’t know how I could have made it in life… Haha.

But that’s what is different. I don’t have to make it through a life that is full of rejection, humility, evil, and heart break alone.

For one, I don’t have a hard life. I have grown up a princess in a plush palace of pink and pansies. My parents are together, I have my own room, and I live in Stow. What do I have to complain about, right? Well, for some reason, I do complain. I am ungrateful, and I can’t help myself but to demand more love, more love! (sarcasm) From this, especially in my high school years, my relationships were few. When I did try to love some person it was hard. They would reject me or laugh at all my unsocial ways. So, when I heard this song and that line… I was in love. Love comes at much too high a cost.

Well, Kate recently taught on love at IP. If you have kept up on my blog, or have even read thus far you will know I have an interest in love. So I thoroughly enjoyed this teaching, Of course, it made me sad, as most things do, because I do not know how to truly love someone with everything I am. But it motivated me to learn.

Through this teaching, at the mention of discipline and I believe speaking into someone else’s life because you love them, I could think of one instance in my life that shaped my walk. Bryan Bassett, and the sweet heart that he is, confronted me. It was sophomore year of high school, I the summer before, he sat my sister and I down to talk after prayer one day. I remember it so well. I don’t know if that is because of the overwhelming shame I felt, but I remember it and reiterate this story at the beginning of every word school year. It’s not much, but it is the first time I was confronted by a peer. It wasn’t just any peer, it was someone I looked up to and loved. I wish I remembered his words exactly, but I do remember him saying: “What are you doing? You aren’t helping at all.” I remember sitting down with a smug look on my face, trying to just get this over with. But when he said this, I felt shame at first. Looking back on it, I was sarcastic and really  unproductive in word. I cannot imagine how frustrating I was. I demanded attention and fun every meeting. I was extremely infantile and would throw fits if I didn’t get what I wanted.

So, how hard it was for B to sit me down and try and put me on the right track. Though, I love him for caring, and seeing something in me enough to try. He had the ministry on his back. Only now do I realize how that feels after being a senior in word. Even though that confrontation was embarrassing at the time, it shaped my walk. I don’t remember how I was walking with the Lord at the time or if I even was, but I know that confrontation pushed me into a walk.

I wanted to share this after Kate’s teaching, but chickened out. If you do not see how this relates to her teaching, it is because I still feel loved from that moment. I was embarrassed at first, but it was one of the most loving things anyone has done for me. I am so thankful to Bryan.

I think I am only getting now what truth in love really means. I am not confronted by peers often, but when someone does approach me–after the feeling of shame or embarrassment–I am utterly grateful.

So I guess I just wanted to share that to encourage people to speak up in friends lives. I know that is one thing many people do, but if anyone is feeling scared or unqualified to do so, don’t! “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfect in love. We love because He first loved us.” 1 john 4:18

I can say one conversation changed my life and is still motivating me today.

Thank God I do not have to go through life, even the plush life that I have, alone. God has given me an amazing body, but even more, he has given me himself… which is more than I could ever hope.

“Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

About elli

I'm trying to "realize the full assurance of hope until the end." To be an "imitator of those who through faith and patience inherit the promise." And spreading the "unchangeableness" and "hope" of God's purpose. Heb. 7
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