I have not been contributing much to this blogosphere, though I am sure my presence was not taken too harshly. Anyway, I am back! And I have goals in mind this time. Goals to write of things I read & things the Lord has shown me, not of my own thoughts & whimsical daydreams.
So, what better way to start hacking away at this goal than to publish to the internets my own thoughts & whimsical daydreams?!? (Irony, least one can do to cover one’s own folly. Bravo.)
Seriously, though. I found my head full today. Full of empty. Full of nothing. Rather ambivalent. That was disturbing, especially after the months the Lord has given me full of grace and motivation! I was, as I quickly found, stuck in a hole of flesh. Fleshy hole. A flesh filled hole. Gross.
So, as I found myself doodling this:
Hey, we’re here and we’re new.
We’re older & younger.
We’re stronger & weaker.
We’re here & really don’t deserve to be any more than you do.
We’re here & I enjoy it (…but still don’t want to be. Yeah, we’re working on that.)
We’re also working on not being so selfish! Ms. I’m writing poems to myself!!
Anyway, I just wanted to warn you, Elli, that I’m back. And this is war.
You can’t run. You can’t hid. You’re stuck inside. We’re going to crush you.
We’ve started a war, a fire, that feeds on self-will and selfish ambition. That devours pride & laziness. That thickens at the taste of self-pity and comfort. That destroys independence and depression.
This is just the beginning.
So yeah, leave it up to me to over dramatize everything. This is silly & rather self-centered, but I’ve seen the battle of the flesh in the face. I’ve looked at each side & given in to the dark. And it is so restricting. So depressing. So sad.
And I’m done with it. God is good and offers us freedom from one of the very worst things: ourselves. It’s important to know that we face this danger. Because it’s so easy to forget that what we think is good & agreeable & wantable, is just the opposite. For us & everyone around us.
Galatians 5:16-17 “I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.”
This is a great danger we face every day. Looking at my life, I see it. As I grow older, as I become more complacent. I never want to be comfortable. The thought sickens me. Stillness. Building my own fortress. I want out. Now.
To live for freedom. Ah, for it is for freedom.