It’s finally sunk in that I’m having a baby. We’ve been telling Simon, trying to prepare him but we barely seem to believe it ourselves. Somehow recently I’ve gone from denial about the whole thing, to being impatient to go into labor. Weird. For most of this pregnancy I’ve felt like, I should be thinking about this more, preparing more, doing something more than going on with my fairly busy life like nothing was changing. But I’m starting to grasp that the creature squirming inside me will soon be squirming in my arms, after the inevitable labor & delivery.
With Simon, I read books and took classes on childbirth & breastfeeding, researched newborn care, set up the nursery, did “exercises” to “prepare” for labor, perused baby name books, and generally worried a lot about everything. This time around, there’s no time or need for all this “preparation,” but this left me feeling sort of like I was driving a car with no brakes. One day I’m just going to go into labor and then I’m going to bring a baby home and have two kids. Yikes!
It’s strange how pregnancy and having a baby is so special and personal, yet it’s largely out of your control. Even though we planned for our children, it feels like forces outside my control have taken over my body and I’m just along for the ride. (Remember, there are no brakes!) This baby will emerge from my body one way or another, and be part of the rest of my life. I’m hosting life but it doesn’t ask to use the bathroom or build an addition. It just settles a bowling ball on my bladder and steadily expands the living room.
Does Simon get it? Everyone wants to know, but no one more than me! I have no idea how much he gets, but he says, “Baby sister coming!” with an excitement still adorable if only mimicked. He knows his old room is the baby room, but often claims it is still his as well. He’s stopped calling my belly the baby house and now refers to me as his big mama or big mommy, which amuses Neil to no end. Simon was completely sweet and cute when I was holding a friend’s two-month old (born 6 weeks early so more like a 2 week old in size). He snuggled up to my arm, patted me and said that’s my mommy, and played with the baby’s feet, helped hold his bottle, and said he’s so cute. He also would try to lean on the baby and almost dropped a book on his head when trying to share his books. His baby sister is going to have to be tough.
Am I ready? Everyone wants to know. As of about a week ago, yes! Bring it on. Can’t wait. Let’s do this. Sick of anticipating it. Simon was born by now, but I could have two more weeks.
I’m very grateful God is giving us a baby girl, and that everything has gone smoothly so far. We are very blessed and I know I don’t deserve to have two children so I’m hoping to stress less than I did with Simon. I’ve enjoyed every phase with him a lot, and though it’ll be very different this time, I’m looking forward to seeing them grow up together.