So many things going through my mind right now: what to work on, what to do, what to write. It truly is the most frustrating feeling in life. The “Untitled 1” document begs for my attention. “Le Triangle” is playing through my headphones now, not helping to drown out distractions. Jackie’s sitting next to me, wanting so badly for me to answer any questions she has. Still nothing is getting done.
Jackie’s laptop background shows a news headline with the infamous picture of a Chinese man standing in front of a tank battalion. Truly an “Icon of the Revolution,” as the title states.
This brings to my focus thoughts already on my mind. Am I standing firm in front of Satan’s battalion of demons? Or am I running for the hills with Jim and Barbara? How would I even know? My eyes have not been opened to the spiritual realm as Elisha’s had been. So I raise this question: what is, if any, the way to measure revolutionary joy and love output?
Now, I want to make myself clear: I am not talking about simply loving the people around me or even just emitting the aura of love. What I mean is, what is the inward change that occurs where we can look back later on and say, “Aha! That’s when I started having this kind of joy and love.” For me, I caught a glimpse of that on August 1, 2005 when I prayed to have Christ’s forgiveness pay for my sins and to have a relationship with Him. Where did it go? Quite honestly, I believe it was gone before I knew it. That kind of joy and love rekindled to about 50% when I found a body of believers with whom to be involved. But even that has dried up a bit.
Since then, having joy has been an inward struggle. Outwardly, it’s easy to pull off. However, God does promise to change us from the inside out: first, by giving us such a love which we can’t help but feel complete and can then give where we had only taken; and second, by giving us the hope that He will make us complete in the Day of the Lord and by giving us good works for us to step into.
Well, anyway, this will be the topic for my blog going forward. I need to get back to my book report and to digesting all that I heard during the XSI 2009. Speaking of which, what a great XSI! I really need to go back and re-write my notes some more, in addition to changing out my music so that I can listen to Joni’s and Lee’s speeches, as I missed those ones. Thanks Joel for encouraging me to get on Blogging to help my horrible writing skills.